Stages of Grief
by Wake Up
Summary: Falling for someone you've always hated can be extremely hard. Especially when you're Lily Evans and he is James Potter.
1. Denial

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does.**  
**

**Denial**

Lily Evans rolled out of bed feeling sore and unrested. The dormitory was empty. She supposed her roommates were all at breakfast, since it was now Christmas Holidays. She stood up and walked to the mirror hanging on the wall.

Her bright red hair stuck out at odd angles, messy from a restless night of sleeping. Her freckles stood out against her pale face. There was no other way to put it. She looked terrible. In fact, the only aspect of her appearance that was as it should be was the bright, cool gaze of her emerald green eyes.

Lily sighed as memories of the previous night came back to her. How she wished she could erase what had happened… if only the use of time turners was legal for rewriting the past. Maybe she could convince Professor McGonagall that the situation was severe enough. After all, she did make a huge fool out of herself.

As much as she wished she could change it with a time turner, she knew that could never happen. She would just have to deal with it and deny fervently that it had meant anything.

-------------------

_**Last night**_

_Lily sat on the floor of her dormitory in a circle with her three of her fellow Gryffindor roommates, doing something none of them had done in ages. Truth or dare had been a weekly tradition in the girls' dormitory up until their fifth year. Studying for the OWLS had definitely taken up all of their free time. _

_But now, in their final year at Hogwarts, during their Christmas Holidays, the girls decided it was time to bring back the long standing tradition. _

_"Truth or dare, Lily?" Catherine, Lily's brown-haired best friend, asked from across the circle. _

_Lily bit her lip in concentration, and then decided, "Truth."_

_"Alright," Catherine began to giggle. "Do you fancy James Potter?"_

_Lily knew she should have expected this question. After all, it was the question they had always asked to start any game of truth or dare. It had always been a big joke, considering Lily had always despised James. But for some reason the question took her by surprise. _

_She felt blood rushing to her face even as she gave her traditional response. "I never have, and I never will." _

_Her friends stared at her, flabbergasted. "Oh. My. Gosh!" Nancy exclaimed from next to Lily. "You fancy him! You actually, finally fancy him!"_

_"No I don't!" Lily cried out, in what she told herself was outrage. _

_"Yes you do," Ella said, grinning on Lily's other side. "You're blushing!"_

_"As if I've never done that before when I didn't fancy someone! Anyways, why would I deny it if I fancied him? After all, I could have him if I wanted."_

_"Look who's being cocky. But still, it's obvious why you're denying it. You've hated him for so long that now you feel like its wrong to fancy him," Catherine said, insightfully. _

_"You are so off target," Lily said, standing up. Her temper was starting to rise, and she did not want to play this awful game any longer. _

_"I don't think she is," Nancy said. _

_"You know, I'm in the mood to play this any longer. You are acting immature, and I should have known better than to play such a silly game. When you three grow up, come get me." Lily stormed out of the room and practically ran across the Gryffindor Common Room. _

_Catherine, Nancy, and Ella followed her, and Ella shouted after her, "__We__ are not the one's being immature here! Just because you're embarrassed by the truth doesn't mean you can talk to us like that."_

_"You shouldn't assume that I was lying! I have accepted the truth. I do __not__ fancy James Bloody Potter!"_

_The room had gone quiet when they first entered it, but now it was silent. Lily's fury soon turned to horror when she realized that James was sitting by the fire, gaping at her with his mouth wide open. She could tell that her face was still bright red, and not just from the yelling. _

_Before she could say anything else stupid, she turned and ran out of the common room. She ran to the edge of the Hogwarts grounds and collapsed in the snow. She hid there for hours. When she finally returned to Gryffindor Tower she was soaked from head to toe and freezing. But no one was in the common room._

_She snuck into her room, changed into her pajamas, and lay down to sleep. However, her dreams would be plagued with unwanted images of a certain messy, black haired boy. _

-------------------

_Yes_, Lily though. It would be much better to pretend the whole thing and never happened. She was mad at her friends, but it wasn't worth it to be angry if it would draw more attention to her embarrassing actions.

-------------------

James Potter felt incredibly twitchy. Last night Lily had practically spelled out that she fancied him. But now James sat in the Great Hall and worried why she had not come down for breakfast yet.

"Where _is_ she?" he exclaimed vehemently.

Sirius looked up from his eggs and bacon to give James a dark look, but James didn't have time to worry about whatever was wrong with him.

"Moony, you heard her last night!"

"Yes, I heard her say she does _not_ fancy James Sodding Potter," Remus said, in what James thought was a quite unhelpful way.

"It was 'bloody.' And she obviously didn't mean it. Her face was as red as a Quaffle she was so embarrassed!" James insisted.

"If I were you I'd let it alone," Remus suggested. "Pushing the issue with only make it worse for you."

"You are so wrong," James replied. "Isn't he wrong, Petey?"

Peter looked up from his breakfast long enough to say "Mmhm," and nod in agreement.

Remus just rolled his eyes. Everyone knew that Peter would agree to anything James said.

"You'll see," James insisted again. "You're all wrong. I'll show you." James was annoyed that his friends had no faith in him, but he was too anxious for Lily to come down to pursue any more arguments.

Finally, after what seemed like years, James saw a glint of bright red hair at the entrance doors. He watched as Lily headed to the Gryffindor table, and when she was close enough he called out "Hey Lily!"

She paused, looked at James with an unreadable expression on her face, and said coldly, "Hello, Potter."

James was stumped. He looked around and saw a nasty smirk on Sirius' face. "Bugger this," he said, and left the Great Hall to try and figure out what was going on.

-------------------

Lily took a seat next to Catherine and piled breakfast onto her plate. Catherine looked up, confused as Lily began to shovel food into her mouth.

"Are you feeling alright, Lily?" she asked timidly.

Lily looked at her. "Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, it's just… last night—"

Lily laughed in what she hoped was a lighthearted way. "Last night was just a misunderstanding. No big deal."

"So you're not angry?"

"Of course not!"

Catherine still looked a bit confused, but she just said "Alright," and continued eating her breakfast. So far Lily's plan on ignoring the game of truth of dare gone awry was working perfectly.

-------------------

However, later that day Lily's plan would be tested. James cornered Lily after lunch and said he needed to speak with her in private.

"What do you want, Potter?" she said, in the most annoyed tone she could muster.

"I just wanted to talk. After last night—"

"What about last night?"

"Well," James continued, "You did kind of allude to having feelings for me."

Lily tried to snort in repulsed laughter, but instead it sounded like she just choked on something rather large. "I did no such thing."

"Yes you did," James accused. "You said you didn't fancy me, but you turned bright red. Even an idiot could figure out what that meant."

Lily wished that he didn't have to look so adorably confused as he tried to put together what was going on. _No, _she quickly caught herself. He did not look cute. He looked stupid. Lame. Anything _but_ cute. "Obviously an idiot could _not_ figure it out," Lily replied. "You just demonstrated that. I said I didn't fancy you because I don't. I'm sorry, but you interpreted wrong."

Lily turned to walk away, but before she was out of earshot, James called to her "We'll see who the idiot is. You're just in denial!"


	2. Anger

**Anger**

Lily woke up the next morning in a rage. The simplest things set her off; the sound Ella's fork made against her plate at breakfast had caused Lily to shout in annoyance and leave the Great Hall in a hurry.

She could tell that her friends were aggravated with her, but for some reason she could not shake her intense and constant anger. What made her day even worse was that she had to spend her entire evening with James Potter.

As Head Girl and Boy, Dumbledore had asked them to do a patrol after curfew to make sure the students who were staying for the break weren't sneaking around after hours. Normally this would have only bothered Lily a little bit; patrolling with James hadn't been nearly as awful as she had expected it to be this year. But today, the thought of even spending a minute with him made her wish that she was wrestling the Giant Squid instead.

Sadly, that was not an option for Lily. As she sat in the common room, waiting for James to show up, she felt the pit of her stomach lurch in dread. Seeing him would just bring back memories of the past few days that she did _not _want to have to think about. Most likely he would be embarrassing and ask again is she fancied him. And what was worse, Lily didn't know if she could say no convincingly.

"Ready to go?" James asked, startling Lily and bringing her out of her reverie. She rolled her eyes, stood up, and led the way out of the common room. She was in for a long night.

-------------------

Before he left to patrol with Lily, Catherine had approached James to give him a warning. He remembered her exact words to be: "Be careful. She's been angry all day, and she'd just love to bite your head off tonight." James was just starting to see what Catherine had been talking about.

Every time James spoke, Lily shot him the Death Glare. He had not received this particularly nasty glare from her since sixth year, and its sudden return disconcerted him. After his seventh or eighth attempt for small talk, James decided to give up and spend the rest of the night in silence.

After a few minutes of tense, awkward silence, Lily turned to James. "You've stopped talking."

"Yes," he replied, going for what he thought was the safest answer.

"Why?" she demanded.

James couldn't help but laugh at this. "You're joking, right?

"No, I'm not. You've made it tense and awkward."

James stared at her incredulous. "I made it tense and awkward? You're the one who has been shooting me the Death Glare all night."

"God, you are so annoying," Lily said, in a poorly concealed way of changing the subject.

"What?" James asked, utterly confused by Lily's determination to make the night as painful as possible for both of them.

"Never mind. Just don't talk to me," Lily replied before speeding up and walking down the hallway.

-------------------

Lily didn't know why she had thought it would be such a great idea to walk away from James. After all, he could just speed up to catch up to her. All she knew was that she couldn't stand to be near him right now.

As she continued to walk though, she heard his footsteps quicken and a few seconds later she felt his hand grab her arm. He pulled to her a stop, and turned her to face him. "What is you're problem?"

Honestly, Lily couldn't say. "I'm angry," was the first thought that came to her mind.

"You're angry," he said, not quite sounding convinced. "Why?"

Why was he doing this to her? "I don't know. I just am. Don't you ever just get angry?"

"Not without having a reason."

"Well, I don't have a reason. Sorry."

"Or you don't want to think about the reason," James said under his breath.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Lily asked, her anger flaring again.

"I think you know what I mean," he replied, giving her a meaningful look.

Lily knew what James meant, but she didn't want to say it out loud. Saying it might make it true, and that was the last thing she wanted. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, okay," James said sarcastically, raising his eyebrow at her. With that, he started walking again, and they didn't speak for the rest of the night.

-------------------

When James was finally got back to his dormitory he was not surprised to find both Remus and Sirius still awake. He was also not surprised to find Peter fast asleep, snoring loudly.

"How did it go James? Was it completely awful?" Sirius asked hopefully.

"It went fine, and no, it wasn't _completely_ awful." Sirius' eyes darkened at this, which angered James. He was getting more than a little annoyed with Sirius' obvious hope that Lily would always hate him.

"That's a shame."

James was not going to take this any more. "If you have a problem, then just say it, Sirius."

However, Remus broke in before Sirius could give a reply, which most likely would have been offensive. "Sirius is jealous."

"Jealous?" James and Sirius asked at the same time.

"Yes, jealous."

"Care to explain that one, Moony?" Sirius asked.

"Sure," Remus said. "James has been devoting all of his time recently to a certain red-haired girl, and you don't like it when you aren't the center of attention. It's quite simple actually."

"What a joke," Sirius said, unconvincingly.

"Aw, Pads. You're afraid that I won't want to spend any time with you once Lily realizes her undying love for me? I'm touched," James joked.

"Oy, shut it," Sirius said, punching James in the shoulder. "I just don't like hearing about her constantly, is all. And even the best end up ditching their best friends."

"I wouldn't worry about that, Padfoot," James said. "I don't ditch my friends. Anyways, Lily still hates me. I think. Honestly, I've fallen for a crazy woman."

**A/N: **Thanks everyone who has reviewed so far! Thanks for all the advice too. If you have anything to say to help me with my writing, please let me know. I can use all the help I can get!


	3. Bargaining

**Bargaining**

Lily woke up the next morning, very relieved that her anger had subsided. Yesterday had definitely been no fun, and she hoped that today would be much better.

Since so many of the seventh years had stayed at Hogwarts for their final winter holiday, they decided to organize an inter-house snowball fight. If there was one thing that Lily needed right now it was to have some fun, and this was a perfect opportunity for that.

After walking down to the Hogwarts grounds, Lily was greeted with the sight of seventh years from every house (even a couple of the nicer Slytherins) getting ready for the game. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw two boys wrestling in the snow. She turned her head to look and saw James and Sirius simultaneously laughing and pummeling each other.

Lily tried to feel disdainful as she usually would have. But watching James have so much fun just made her feel happy too. What was wrong with her?

"Hey!" Catherine shouted to Lily from a group of people further down the lawn. "Lily, are you going to join us? The game is about to start."

"Yeah!" Lily shouted back, running towards them. When she reached them she asked, "I haven't missed anything, have I?"

"Only the James and Sirius' play fight. There's no reason _you _would have wanted to see that though," Catherine replied suggestively.

Lily just made a face and ignored her friend's comment. Everyone was now gathering in a group to set down the rules of the game. There were about twenty-six people there, and they collectively decided to play snowball capture the flag. This game was very similar to the Muggle version of capture the flag. There were two teams— in this case boys versus girls because there were even numbers of them. Each team had its own land, and if an opposite team member was caught on their land they could be tagged and put in jail. Only a fellow team member could free someone from jail by tagging them. However, the main goal of the game was to capture of other team's flag, hidden somewhere in their own grounds.

The two teams separated and decided where to hide their flags. Then the game started, and the search began. Lily was designated as one of the searchers; she had to enter the other team's land and find the flag.

Lily wasn't quite sure why she was picked to sneak around in the other team's territory, seeing as she had bright red hair that stood out against the white snow. But since it was her job, she was going to do her best to stay hidden and capture the flag.

She was creeping around a large tree when all of a sudden a dark blur flew at her from the other side of the tree. The blur turned out to be someone from the other team, and it pushed into her, knocking her to the ground and falling on top of her. She heard it shout "Ha! Got you!" The voice was oddly familiar.

Lily looked to see who her attacker was, and was shocked when she saw James Potter lying on top of her. Warmth spread over her, reaching all the way to her face, causing her to redden.

James looked shocked at realizing the girl he had just tackled was Lily. He quickly pushed off of her, and Lily fought hard against the feelings of disappointment that washed over her.

"Sorry about that," James apologized, looked very embarrassed.

Lily coughed, and then stood up, ignoring James' offered hand. So wanted to act indignant at his incredibly immature behavior, but she was still disoriented from the attack. Instead she made her voice as cold as possible and said, "Whatever. Just take me to your jail."

Lily followed James until they reached the designated jail, and then she was left there to wait for someone from her team to help her escape. She was all alone, so she supposed she was the first person tagged. This didn't surprise her since she had never been very good at this game in the first place. s

However, now that Lily was alone she had time to think about what had just happened. Instead of feeling disgust when James was on top of her, Lily had felt pleasure. For what seemed like the millionth time in the past few days she wondered what was wrong with her. She was really starting to worry about herself.

The only logical conclusion she could come to for the thoughts and feelings she had recently been having was that she fancied James Potter. However, this was not an acceptable conclusion for Lily to make. James was the worst sort of person; he was annoying, cocky, immature, and sometimes very mean. _But, _she rationalized in her head,_ he has changed so much this year. He's hardly ever mean, even to Snape. And he's grown up quite a bit._

An internal conflict was raging inside of her. Yes, James had changed. But she couldn't just forget about what he used to be like. He was still very much that boy still too, wasn't he?

So why did she feel the way that she did? If he was still the malicious prankster he used to be, how _could_ she fancy him?

"God," Lily said aloud to herself. "I would do _anything_ not to feel this way." In her mind she went through everything she would do to change how she felt. _I'll study harder,_ she thought. _I'll be kinder to everyone. I'll try to talk more with Petunia._

She had to change what was happening to her. She knew she could. After all, she was Lily Evans. Her life was what she made it. If she wanted to feel a different way then she would. From now on, she vowed to herself, she was going to do everything in her power to get James Potter out of her mind and back where he belonged.

-------------------

"I am so stupid," James said, running towards Remus. "I am stupider than stupid. I am a total idiot!"

Remus looked at James with an amused look on his face. It wasn't that often that he heard James insult himself, and he wanted to revel in it just a little bit. After a moment though, he decided that he best return to the kind and caring friend he knew James needed at the moment. He changed him amused expression to one of concern and asked, "What happened?"

Instead of answering the question, though, James asked, "Where's Sirius? I need some advice."

Remus actually laughed out loud at this. "You want to go to Sirius for advice? Do you really think that's such a good idea?"

"Argh. No, you're right. Please help me."

"You'll need to tell me what happened first."

James paused to gather his thoughts and then recounted his story. "It all started because of this stupid game. I was just running around, trying to catch people on the other team. And I saw one of them, except I couldn't tell who it was. I jumped on her to make sure she couldn't get away, and when I looked to see who it was, it was Lily! I could tell she was really angry, and now I don't know what to do."

Remus was amazed by how much of a drama queen James really was. His problems were trivial compared to so many others', yet he made it seem as if his life depended on solving them. Remus thought to tell him this, but decided against it. Instead he settled on giving the much needed advice James was asking for.

"I think that if you just don't talk or think about it things will be better." James gave a cold laugh, but Remus cut him off before he could say anything. "No, really. It's not a big deal, but if you act like it is it will turn into a huge ordeal, thus making the problem worse than it truly is. If Lily's mad then she'll get over it. In the mean time, don't waste your time worrying about something as silly as this."

James looked skeptical at Remus' advice, but since he did not want to spend his Christmas break worrying about someone who was probably just toying with him he decided to heed to it. He thanked Remus and then ran off to continue the game.

-------------------

After many failed rescue attempts, Lily was now accompanied by two other girls. They were all trying to figure out where the boys hid their flag, but they were no where close to finding it. Lily helped the other two girls, but she was still distracted by thoughts of James.

He had run by them a few times, taunting them for being stuck in jail. He didn't seem phased at all by his attack on Lily. She was mad that she could be going crazy inside her own head, but James could be the idiot he always was and have a good time doing so. Letting go of whatever she felt for him was going to be a lot harder than she thought.

-------------------

The game finally ended when the boys found and captured the girls' flag. After a hot shower, James retired to the common room and challenged Sirius to a game of gobstones. Peter watched the game avidly, hanging onto every move James and Sirius made, while Remus sat on the couch next to them reading a book.

It wasn't until much later that the boys headed up to their dormitories, and by that time all thoughts of Lily Evans were far from James' mind.

**A/N:** Thanks everyone who reviewed! I hope you still enjoy my story. I can still use much more help though, so tell me what you think!


	4. Depression

**Depression**

Although it was Christmas Eve, Lily was not feeling even remotely excited about the feast that night. Instead she was feeling depressed. It was amazing really that one boy could make her feel so many things in just a few days time. And very unfair, she though. Right now she should have been celebrating her final Christmas holiday at Hogwarts with the rest of the students; instead she just rolled over in bed and pulled the covers over her eyes to keep all traces of sunlight out.

A few minutes later the door burst open, and Catherine shouted, "Up! Wake up!"

Lily groaned and burrowed deeper into her covers.

"No you don't!" Catherine said, much too loudly. "This is your last Christmas here, Lily, and I am not about to let you ruin it. Get up, get dressed, and come downstairs. _Now._"

As much as Lily did not want to get out of her warm bed, she saw Catherine's point. After dressing haphazardly, Lily stumbled down the girls' staircase and walked into the common room.

Catherine gave her a reproachful look, but said, "That will do. Now, grab your cloak. We're going into Hogsmeade."

Of _course._ How could she have forgotten? Everyone had been looking forward to this trip into the town for ages. Nothing was more exciting or anticipated than Hogsmeade on Christmas Eve.

Lily grabbed her cloak without argument, knowing there was no way she could get out of this trip. A small part of her did want to go. The part of her that had not recently been influenced by James Potter. She decided right then and there that she would not think of James at all that day. She would not let him ruin her last holiday at Hogwarts.

Lily and her friends had missed the carriages taking them into town, so they walked instead. A cool, crisp wintry wind blew around them, chilling them to the bone. "The sooner we get inside," Ella stated, "the better."

"Yeah. Let's not look around first. I could use a warm cup of Butterbeer." Catherine was already shivering, and Lily agreed with her friends.

Fifteen minutes passed, and then, in the distance, a small village covered in snow appeared on the horizon. The first time Lily had seen Hogsmeade covered in snow she had been reminded of a snow globe. Everything looked so cute, as if taken right out of a fairytale.

"Ah, Three Broomsticks," Catherine said, holding the wooden door open for her friends. They stepped in and were greeted with a rush of warm air. It felt heavenly on Lily's skin.

They group looked around for a table to sit at. Catherine, throwing Lily a nasty look, chose the table right next to that of James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Lily just rolled her eyes and did her best to ignore them. The girls sat down, beginning to discuss the remainder of their seventh year, when Lily heard something interesting come from James' table.

"What are we going to do, James. He needs I want to fight—" James cut Sirius off by holding up a hand. Catherine was looking over at them with interest.

"What are you trouble makers talking about?" she asked them.

"Just planning our next great prank, Catherine. We can't say more, though. Sworn to secrecy and all," James replied. From the look on his face, he was obviously lying. Lily made a mental note to talk to them before she left the pub. It looked like they were discussing something very important.

Catherine and Ella stood a few minutes later, saying that they wanted to do some shopping.

"I'll catch up with you in a moment," Lily replied. "I wanted to talk to James…"

Her friends looked at each other, smiling. No doubt they thought Lily was about to confess her love for him. Sometimes she wondered if they thought of anything other than boys.

Once they left Three Broomsticks, Lily moved over to the boys' table to talk with them.

"What's going on?" she asked.

Remus pointed to the Daily Prophet and said, "See for yourself."

On the front page there were articles detailing the death of two prominent Muggle-born wizards. Underneath that was an article on the rise of Muggle killings. Beneath that an article on a missing wizard from the Ministry.

"He's on the rise," Lily said, for the first time realizing what truly was occurring in the wizarding world outside of Hogwarts. "He's really rising."

"Seems so," James said solemnly.

"What are we going to do about it?" Lily asked. After all, there had to be _something_ they could do. She hadn't just been through almost seven years of schooling to do nothing.

"That's what we were just talking about," Sirius said. "Because we haven't graduated yet, we don't think we'll be allowed to do much of anything."

Remus nodded. "Sadly, adult wizards would still consider us children, even though we're of age."

"But we need to do _something._ Muggles and Muggle-borns are in danger. What if my family—"

James interrupted her. "Nothing will happen to your family."

His sentiment was nice, but Lily felt that James couldn't know that for sure.

James seemed to see that on her face, because he then said, "I heard Dumbledore talking with McGonagall. I wasn't supposed to hear, but they mentioned special protection put on the house of Muggle-born students."

Lily felt a warm wave of relief spread over her. However, that didn't solve their previous problem. "What can _we _do, though?"

"There doesn't look like very much. The best I can think of is going to Dumbledore and tell him we want to help. We can't expect him to let us now. Hopefully, by expressing desire to help, he'll consider us after we graduate."

"But we can help them now!" Lily knew she must seem like she was overreacting, but she knew they were talented. She knew that they would be useful.

"You're right, Lily," James said seriously. "But right now that isn't one of our options."

Lily sighed, looking defeated. "I know you're right. I just wish there was more we could do. This Lord Voldemort has been growing stronger for ages. I never thought he'd actually get this much power, though. I wish we could just stop it."

"We all do," Remus said quietly.

"So, y-your going to tell Dumbledore we all want to help?" Peter asked, saying the first thing since Lily sat down with them.

"Yes," James said calmly. "I'll go today even. The sooner he knows we _all_ want to be involved the better."

Peter looked terrified. "But, it'll be dangerous, won't it?"

"Of course it will be, Petey," Sirius said, looking exasperated. Lily felt like that was half the fun for Sirius.

"And we could die?" Peter's voice was now hardly audible.

"It's possible," James replied. "But it's for the greater good. We'd be dying to save countless others. We'd be dying to stop horrifying evil. We'd be living up to our Gryffindor name. You do want to help, don't you?"

"Of c-course," Peter stuttered. Lily wasn't quite sure that's what Peter really wanted to do, but there was no way that he would dare defy James.

"So, it's settled then. We let Dumbledore know we're interested." Everyone nodded in agreement.

Lily sat with them for a few more minutes, but then she remembered telling her friends that she would meet up with them again. "I'd better go. Thanks," she said, nodding towards James.

"For what?" he asked.

"Including me in your plans. Speaking for me when you go to Dumbledore. It means a lot."

Lily got the feeling that James was going to say something along the lines of "Of course" or "Are you insane? There's no way I wouldn't include you", but Lily didn't think she could stand to hear it. She was already way to impressed with the way everyone looked to James for the solution. She was impressed that he kept a cool head, and she was impressed that he could set aside silly problems for much more important things. She couldn't stand another thing to make her like him even more right now.

If ever before her thoughts about James were so thoroughly shaken, she could not remember. Just now she had seen him as a mature man, able to handle himself under pressure. She had seen him as a man willing to give up his life to save others. He was something completely new to Lily. He was not the old James Potter, but he was still very much James Potter. If that made any sense.

It was all too much for Lily to think about. She opted instead to find her friends and shop for the rest of the day.

Once the feast was over that night, Lily retired in the common room by the fire. She had to doge many questions about James that afternoon when she had met back up with Ella and Catherine. They had only just stopped asking her when they were going to date.

Lily was still depressed. More so than she had been at the beginning of the day. Instead of being bargaining to end her feelings for James she was angry with herself for not realizing them sooner. She had passed up someone when she hadn't even known him. Regret washed over her.

"Why so sullen?" Catherine asked.

Lily twirled her hair around in her fingers. "No reason. I think I'm going to bed a little early tonight, though. Happy Early Christmas."

Lily walked up the girls' staircase, unaware of James Potter's eyes on her as she left.

**A/N:** I hope that was enjoyable. I feel a little put out since I couldn't finish this before _Deathly Hallows_ came out, and I was debating whether I wanted to finish this. It seems more unrealistic than normal with all the new information in book 7. However, with one chapter left, I think I'm going to finish it. Please continue to review, because I can always use more help.


	5. Acceptance

**Acceptance**

As a result of going to bed early the previous night, Lily woke up early on Christmas morning. In fact she was up at four in the morning. No one in her room was up yet, but try as she might, she could not fall back asleep. Instead, she decided to head down to the common room. She didn't want to open her presents until her friends were up, and she didn't want to sit in her bed for another four hours until they finally did get up.

The common room was deserted, which suited Lily fine. She had brought a book down to read until the others woke up. After reading _Hogwarts: A History_ for an hour, Lily looked up and noticed a package on the foot of the couch she was sitting on. That certainly had not been there when she had first come downstairs.

She reached over and grabbed the small parcel. On top of a brown box was her name, written in large black letters: **Lily Evans.** Lily was surprised that this present seemed to be following her around, and curiosity got the better of her. She decided to open the gift right then and there.

She slid off the top of the box and gasped at what was inside. A large opal pendant on a gold chain sat at the bottom of the box. On top of the necklace was one flower: a lily. The necklace was the more beautiful than any other Lily had seen. The blues, whites, purples, and pinks all mixed together, shining radiantly at her. Who would give her such a wonderful, and no doubt expensive, present?

Lily leafed through the box and found that there was a note under the necklace. She read it quickly.

_Evans,_

_Dumbledore said he would very much like our help once we've graduated. Until then, we are stuck as helpless students. So it goes. Happy Christmas!_

The letter was not signed, but Lily knew who it was from. James would know that Lily's favorite stone was an opal. He learned almost everything about her by his third year at Hogwarts. She wanted to thank him at that moment, but it was only five in the morning. He must have still been sleeping.

At that moment Lily wanted to cast a charm to speed up time. However, that was some of the most advanced magic, and she wasn't willing to jeopardize everyone's Christmas because she was restless. One small mispronunciation and it would be New Years Day. She would just have to wait. And so she did.

-------------------

Finally, at around eight o'clock she headed back up to her dormitory. All of her dorm mates woke up within ten minutes after her return. After unwrapping a large can of Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans, Marty's Magical Makeup (It won't come off unless you charm it off!), a book on healing, and various other packages of candy Lily politely thanked all of her friends for their gifts. She then excused herself, determined to find James as soon as possible.

In the common room Lily ran into Sirius. She asked him hurriedly where James was, but all Sirius did was give her a knowing look and smile. He obviously knew what James had bought her, Lily thought. Although she doubted James had told him. Sirius had always been a great snoop.

"Fine! Don't be helpful," she said when it became clear that he was not going to tell her anything. She was going to have to find James on her own.

After looking in the boys' dormitory, the library, the Great Hall, and even the Head Boy and Girl's bathroom, Lily started to feel a bit annoyed. There was only one other place she could imagine James being. She headed outside toward that Quidditch pitch.

Sure enough, James was flying high in the air, diving and rising again. Lily took a seat in the stands and waited until he was finished. James didn't notice her arrival until he was already on the ground. He looked frozen, but happy.

"It's a bit cold for flying, don't you think?" Lily asked.

"Nah," James replied. "It felt good." His cheeks were ruddy, and his hair windswept, but he looked as if he had just had the greatest time of his life. He really did love flying.

Lily coughed awkwardly, and then pulled out the opal necklace from one of her jacket pockets. "I wanted to thank you for this," she started. "But, I can't keep it. It must have been really expensive, and I just—"

"Are you returning anyone else's presents?" James asked her quietly.

"Well, no. But—"

"Then you're keeping this too. I bought it for you." James smiled at her. "Plus, it would look better on you than anyone else." James turned and began to walk away before Lily could process what was going on. And at that moment she felt it. She felt her feelings for James. And she didn't want to brush then away or deny them. She actually _wanted _to fancy James.

"Wait!" she called after him. "Wait up!" She ran to his side, the opal necklace still in her hand. "I have a confession to make." Lily seemed to be struggling with coming up with the right words to express what she was feeling. James looked into her eyes, waiting for what she was about to say. It was evident from the look on his face that he had absolutely no idea what she was about to confess.

"I've been an idiot lately," Lily began. "And until yesterday I hadn't really figured out what was going on with me. It just sort of hit me, and I realized why I've been such a jerk to you lately."

James held up his hands to stop her. "Listen, you aren't the idiot. I made stupid assumptions, acted arrogantly, and basically confirmed all of your negative thoughts about me. I've been really immature, and I'm sorry."

Lily stared at him, confounded. When she gathered her wits again she said, "If you had let me finish you would have seen that your apology was unnecessary. I was about to say how much you've changed this year and how much you've grown up and matured. I was also going to say that this bugged me, because I no longer had a reason to hate you. And then I sort of bugged out, because I started to fancy you."

"Wait, what?" James asked, although Lily was certain that James had heard everything she said.

"I hadn't really accepted it until last night, really. I was really worried that something in me was broken, and I wasn't Lily any more if I didn't hate you. And so I treated you badly, and was rude, and a _huge _drama queen. I'm really embarrassed about the past week, and I hope you can forgive me."

James still seemed to be stuck on the first part of her speech though. "You fancy me?"

He looked so confused that Lily had to smile. "I guess I do. Yes."

James' face broke out into a huge smile. "You're having me on."

"Nope, I'm being serious."

"You sure?" James asked taking a small step toward her. She didn't back away, and he took this as a good sign. He took the opal necklace out of her hand and clasped it around her neck. She still didn't back away.

"Absolutely," she breathed. She knew there was a ridiculous grin on her face, but after lying to herself for so long it was nice to finally have out with the truth.

James looked absolutely ecstatic. He grabbed Lily around the wait, kissed her hastily full on the mouth, and then grabbed her hand. "I've just won!" he exclaimed, pulling Lily toward the castle. "We have to go tell Sirius! I won the bet!"

Lily tried to contort her face in to disapproval at the mention of a bet involving her, but she was too happy. She settled with a shaky "What bet?"

"First year," James explained, "I bet Sirius that you would fancy me before our Hogwarts career was over. He thought you would always hate me. Ha!"

"What do you get for winning? What's he giving you? Some sort of prize?"

James stopped running up to the castle to look at her fondly. "I've already got the prize, haven't I?"

"And what's that?" Lily asked.

"You." James tugged at her arm, and again they were running up to the castle. They both had a very happy Christmas.

**A/N**: Thank you everyone who read this and helped me by reviewing. I really appriciate you taking time to read my story. If you have any advice for future stories, that would really help me out! Thanks so much!


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